174 | Intimacy Over Flesh: Ivy’s Sex Stories

“Sexual attraction is when you’re… sweaty?” Ivy (22 w cis Canadian f, ace greyromantic and single) is asexual and thinks sex is FANTASTIC—for other people. For her, it’s much too fleshy with heavy topknots of sweat, lubrication and discharge that squick her out. But it’s caused some tangly feelings in terms of romance that she’s very much in the process of navigating. Does “sex” necessarily MEAN romantic? And not-sex is platonic? Ivy has been defining her sexuality with a lack of sexual attraction in an effort to combat the grossness of expectation, and that doesn’t feel quite right, either. Expectations feel yucky, and while receiving without ensuing assumptions sounds cool, is it just being selfish? The cultural messages might have us think yes, but Ivy talks about what arousal in her body and her psyche feel like to her, and shares how she wishes other people would recognize and interact with her sexuality. She’s had orgasms finds them exhausting, she prefers masturbation without a climax. Her body pleasure comes from other places, especially food— especially chocolate and pickles. We talk about how feelings of obligation leave no room for desire, and the hottest turn-on: nonjudgmental listening and understanding.

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